Do you need answers? Ask appreciative questions.
Have you ever felt like something needed to change?
How easy was it for you to put your finger on it?
For so many people, we find ourselves in some situation of being unsettled, and we try to just fix it. Get it back to some previous understanding of stability. But the problem is that doesn’t let us be honest about the space where we are. We are in what Walter Brueggemann calls a system of “order/disorder/reorder”.
To truly understand positive change, we have to go through a process of learning. It allows us to see the places that caused the necessity for change. Sometimes it was something we did. At other times it was something we had no control over or another person’s negative actions thrust upon us.
This comes up in many of the coaching conversations I have with people. Understanding the past is one of the parts of intentional change. It helps us make healthy and informed decisions about what to do in the future. The whole “what do I need to do” question. We can feel a sense of dissatisfaction in life. We might even be able to name the place where we want to go. But finding enough clarity to actualize it is a struggle point.
Photo by Josh Calabrese on Unsplash
Learning to go through the process of identifying and quantifying change isn’t necessarily some sort of personal gift, but a skill that can be learned.
Appreciative inquiry is a tool that assumes a search for the best. It is about self-determined change. It asks questions through a specific process called “The Four D’s” in the journey of both examination and progress. And the good news is you can do this yourself.
Questions can be a powerful thing in our life.
So grab your journal, get a good cup of coffee and take the time to ask yourself some questions.
Discover
When someone is willing to sit down and work through a time of personal discovery, the focus needs to be on discerning what is good, what is healthy, and what is (and has been) successful. This first phase of AI is about gathering together a truthful image of what could be. Not so the person or organization can be proud or boastful, but to understand what is the healthy essence that forms their identity. Remember, keep it honest. And if you are tempted to be negative, spend the time to answer the question objectively, not negatively (that’s a super skill).
What do I know to be true about my life right now? (Just one version of my all-time favorite question).
What is great about what is going on in my life?
What am I enjoying?
Where and when do I feel like I am at my best?
What skills and strengths do I want to leverage for a particular situation?
What are the things I need to say no to in order to thrive and be at my best?
Dream
It might seem different to have the dream category, not as the first, but when we know ourselves we have the capacity to dream better. Dreaming is about taking a realistic understanding of yourself (or your ministry) and thinking of how you can create a multiplication of those skills and strengths. This entire exercise of dreaming doesn’t just open new doors, but reveals the ones you didn’t even know were there!
What could be true?
What would I LOVE to see more of?
How might I use a skill I have in one area to enhance another area?
What do I need to say “yes” to more?
What would any situation look like if I was able to apply my best to it?
What could I honestly grow into that is beyond who I am now?
How can I leverage my best into the toughest places instead of my worst into the normal places?
When might I know when I have reached these things?
Design
I talk often about my two favorite lands; Theory Land and Action Land. I love them both. But you can’t live in two places at one time. If Discover and Dream are the twin cities of Theory Land…Design is the capital of Action Land. When we enter the design phase we apply the best of our discovery to our dreaming…and start stepping out the logical steps of what would need to happen to make it a reality. Part of this is another play on my favorite question of all time,
What would need to happen in order for this to be true?
How can I leverage the best of who I am to make this happen?
What do I need to avoid to make this true?
How might I create several steps to do this?
Who else do I need with me to do this?
What else would need to be true for this to happen?
What is the most essential thing to focus on?
What do I absolutely need to NOT focus on?
Destiny
Daniel Im, in his fantastic book on Christian Discipleship, called “No Silver Bullets” talks about the relationship between input goals and output goals. He often says that we fail to meet any goals because we don’t create a plan for our inputs…we just hope and work towards output. Results are no longer some vague intangible, but the destiny stage is the place where we simply begin again.
How will I know when I have reached this new physical reality of truth?
What will be happening in my life normally now?
What might be easy for me or my organization?
What will not be present at this new stage?
What will I be able to do now?
What benefits will now be core principles?
As this article wraps up, what I hope you have seen is the ability you have to focus on any sort of problem. There is tremendous power in building up personal methods of discernment. I find doing these sorts of personal exercises in my journal is always a powerful way to find clarity in my own life. It can help as I think through difficult parts of my past, or just try to understand my present better. I have also found out that just building these practices in has a way of jump-starting my brain when I am faced with any type of decision.
Building up these as personal practices also seeps into every other part of our life. It helps us in our conversations with people. It means we stay curious and inquisitive rather than following a pathway of negativity. An appreciative framework is powerful for anyone in helping vocation.
So how might you use questions in your personal life?